Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
