No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
honey bunches of taint.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
