I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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