Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
