yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
