I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize