just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
