Apparently you make a good broom.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
