one might say we're banned from that church
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize