spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
