I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
