I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
