Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
