She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
