I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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