In the future we'll all be gay
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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