Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
