so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
