the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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