It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
