Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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