Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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