i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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