she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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