my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
