Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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