i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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