Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
