I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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