I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize