i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
