Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
