there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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