I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
