3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
