Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
