ugly people sure do ruin things
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
