I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
