I could make wine with my vomit
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
