this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
