Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
