Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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