I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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