people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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