I must be too annoying 4 u.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
