just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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