This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
