smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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