Nicole vs. Life
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize