WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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