dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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