Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
