Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think my vagina is haunted
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
