haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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