Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
