so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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