I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
