Yo dont text me then not text me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
