actually, I'm a sock model
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
