you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
