i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize