I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
