I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
