is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
