Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
