I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
