It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
