I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
