I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
