everyone is single if you try hard enough
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
