well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
