I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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