Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
