Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
