I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
