what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
