how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
