drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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