so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
