i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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