WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
