good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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