I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
