My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
