So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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