i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
