Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
ttyl tear gas
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
