I just saw a hot homeless man
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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