and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
