I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
