I showed him my bush... on skype.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
