Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I skipped work to stalk him.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
false alarm, still single
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