He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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