I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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