And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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