i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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