Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize