Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
