i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
