Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
