Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
