he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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