I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize