Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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