if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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