Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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