I wish I could punch you in the face.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
