It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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