Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize