I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
