I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize