Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
