when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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