You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize