Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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