i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
