When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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